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CANNIBAL MURDOCH HOLOCAUST

July 10, 2011

The zombie shuffle of News of the Screws hackers from the Wapping morgue was a gripping evening of horror legend. Dripping with nostalgic effluent and gorging on their own livers, the tribe lurched onwards and downwards to the boozer with their masthead around their knees. An unprecedented orgy of bloodsuckers discarded by the cannibal-in-chief Murkdock.

The unstoppable murkydock empire has done the unthinkable-self obliteration of its best selling organ.

Tell the truth I was looking for a bit more in the last edition of the ‘Worlds Greatest Newspaper’. I imagined it would have Worlds Greatest Newspaper headlines somewhere  and lots of tear-jerking for the loss of its award winning tabloid drivel.

Bit stupid I know, but thought it would have a bit more on biting the hand that feeds it, you know, for the sake of award winning journalism and impartial truth of the Best Newspaper in the World. Maybe just a bit more info on the murky world of hacking seeing as all the evidence will be in the office with no need for the fake sheik.

In fact the facsimile of the first edition of 1843 is the the most interesting read. Corn laws, poverty, Chartists. political agitation paupers and workhouses. Lots of editorial on dogged discontent and sullen reserve, corn law repealers objecting that the land is in a monopoly owned by the rich few.

One of the adverts makes good reading. Titled The Greatest Discovery of the Age, it  describes how health and longevity of age has been scientifically proven to be linked to purging of the bowels. Judicious purgatives of the alimentary canal prolongs advanced age to a more extended period they say in convincing quack arguments. Can’t disagree with that kind of testimony. Parr’s life pills at 13 1/2d with the family box at 2 shillings it must seem excellent value for Mr Murdoch. The efficacy of his medicine has been immediate, a healing influence to every corner of the civilised world. A few more Parr’s pills dished out to the executives would do the job for good. Punters would do well to heed their warning in the coming weeks :

‘Beware of Imitations’ it says, Northcliffe media take note.

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2 Comments
  1. July 14, 2011 7:26 am

    Anyone else lovin it?!!

    NOt much chance the Murkydochs will turn up at the select committee. They’ll just follow the example of the odious Kraft con-chief Ms Rosenfeld. If they do show their face I’ll eat my collectors final edition of the worlds greatest newspaper.
    What about Rebekah Brooks? I predict she’ll resign and bugger off somewhere rather than put herself in the MP’s braying farmyard. If the meathead grunters from the Met can get trashed she’s up for a roasting.

  2. July 14, 2011 4:02 pm

    Ok Brooks is more stupid than I thought.

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